On Loyalty

Over the last couple of days I have been told that in the last year I only have had wonderful or mushy-gushy things to say about my friends, even when they aren't being very nice to me. Well believe me when I say, I notice when people are unkind to me, and at some point, I usually do complain about it. I try not to complain to people who have to interact with whoever hurt me on a regular basis, not because I am super nice, but because I know I will be over whatever issues I have soon, and will  want resume our normal relationship. This can make things awkward for whoever just heard me gripe and makes me appear disingenuous.    I have learned my lesson, and do my best to vent outside of a person’s circle of friends. I am not being phony. It is just hurtful for me to lose contact with people and I would rather just move on.

Why is it so frightening for me to let go of friendships?  I have made plenty of unbelievable mistakes. The worst were letting friendships end. I have a lot of people in my life who are interesting, and fun to be around. I only have a handful of people who, when listing people dear to them, would include me.  I need as many of them as possible, we all do.  They are irreplaceable, and I learn that are less of them every day.

Speaking of people who I love, my fabulous friend Melissa, who has been there for me through the thick and very thin of the last 12 years, entered a contest that may award her money and allow her to blog for Real Simple Magazine. She is a great writer and deserves this byline. Please click here to vote.

Melissa is not just a great writer; she is a marvelously loyal friend. She has screamed at me, and I have said and done horrid things to her. We have fought, and disagreed and worried. That’s not what I think of when I contemplate our friendship, though. I think of the compassion and the humor that has always been present between us, no matter where we were in our lives. I think of the memories I would not have without her, and the forgiveness that she has selflessly given me.  

I want you to think about how many “Melissas” you have in your life. How many friends can you say truly need and accept you? I have eight—maybe. Some are new and some old. I talk to some daily and some sporadically, and they all have personality flaws and personality accolades, as I do. I do not see how shortening that list of people can be in any way beneficial. It is as comforting to be a good friend as it is have one. I am not going to give up on any of my friends due to anything less than intentionally-caused catastrophe. Not again. I think it would just be a stupid choice.