On Kindness, Forgiveness and Multi-dimensional People

I must be in a very outspoken mood today, because over the past fourteen hours I have thought of four different subjects for a blog post. My grandpa, learning styles, gossip, and bullying. Well, here’s the thing, I am an English major. I have not been groomed to take logical steps towards a particular, much needed conclusion, but rather to look at different pieces of humanity and recognize the themes that run steadily through them. Both are necessary processes, I just happen to be bad at the first one.  After spending time remembering my grandpa this morning, it was not difficult to see the common thread in these four  topics.  I’ll attempt to write a concise and coherent post about it, but just in case I fail, I’ll come out at the end and give you the moral of the story, if you will.

My mother’s father passed away two months before I turned fifteen. He was the smartest guy most people who had met him, had ever met. My grandma used to make him watch Jeopardy every week, even though he didn’t like the show, because she swore up and down, she had never heard him miss a question. He read more than anybody, and retained everything he read. They lived right behind us growing up, and he was in my life every day.  There is nothing for which I am more grateful to my parents. I’ll never forget the hours he spent telling me about history, science, mechanics, sports, music and his very interesting life. Grandpa wasn’t a person who someone would assume to be brilliant, though. He was sloppy, obstinate and about the worst speller known to man. His laziness and messy habits drove my grandma, who was madly in love  with him, to scream daily.  He taught me, without my knowing it that every human being has three or four sides. The most important lesson Grandpa taught me however, was to focus on the good-sides of people. He never met anybody he didn’t like and forgave all of his loved ones countless times. He did his best to hold his friends and family in what educational professionals call unconditional positive regard, choosing to remember the attributes people possessed and let go of their shortcomings.  It was his happy-go-lucky personality  that made people forgive the disheveled know-it-all he could be.

Bullying and gossiping are wrong.  I know a lot of us have been bullied and arose unharmed.  I know all friends engage in back-stabbing at some point. The fact is though that for all the time you spend breaking someone down by highlighting their flaws, you could  building them up by highlighting their assets.  It’s the right thing to do. And if that’s not enough motivation for you, remember:  you will make huge mistakes. You will gossip and you may bully, but if in the past people   know you to be a kind, loving person, they are more likely to see the good side of you. They will forgive. If you  accept all of this as truth, then it stands to reason that if someone has generally been a decent friend to you, you should give them a couple of chances to hurt you before they pay for it. When you care about someone you have to have faith that eventually, you’ll see the person you enjoy again.

The moral: Be kind and let go. It’s what the smartest, nicest, happiest, messiest, most stubborn, and absent minded man I know would have done!