On What I Dream

I heard Viola Davis (star of the Academy Award nominated film, The Help, which you should all see) say on TV tonight that she has realized over the years that a true friend is someone with whom you can share your dreams without fear. I have a lot fear surrounding telling people what my dreams are, and I certainly don’t think it’s the fault of my friends, but like I did with my fiction writing I’m going to share my dreams with you here. Why? I get lazy, frustrated tired and complacent, just like most human-beings. Maybe, if I proclaim my dreams to the entire   internet, I’ll have to get over it and preserve, or maybe I’ll be very embarrassed. Time tells everything, eventually.

I want to publish a novel. I want to read something I'm proud to have written.

I want to be a wife and a mother. This goal makes me feel selfish, but I have always wanted to raise children and to have a family. I worry not so much about my future husband, as he will know what he is getting into and have a chance to run for the exit, but about the children I wish to have. Is it fair to bring them into a world with a mom who won’t be able to act like the other moms? Is it fair to bring them into a world where they have to explain my condition to their friends or where they might be labeled weird by association? I don’t know. It makes to teary-eyed to think that I won’t be able to hold my kids and walk at the same time, or that I won’t be able to let them help me cook in the kitchen (I’m get nervous enough  that I’ll spill something on myself). I still dream of being a wife and a mother though, and I still really hope it happens. Perhaps, I am selfish.

I want to travel-- everywhere a plane can take me, probably before I check off the wife and mother thing.  

I want to become a Social Worker. Most of my friends know this. My career goals don’t end there, however. I want to start a Non-Profit Organization that helps children with Autism with poor families get the ABA therapy that I believe they need, and that only the most well-off parents can afford to give their kids. I know this goal is lofty, and I’m a far cry from it right now.   I’m not the world’s best student, and I don’t have any experience in business, but I’m very passionate about this. I think an organization like the one I picture has to be created; so I’ll create it. Well…. Here is hoping. I haven’t told anybody this and my stomach is churning at the thought of people reading it, but you know me, I reveal things dramatically or not at all.

I truly appreciate everyone who reads this and does not think I’m crazy and I hope that I’ll be able to listen to your dreams soon.