A wonderful group called the Ability 411 is” vlogging” about
beauty and disability this week. You should check out their videos—especially if
you aren’t disabled. They are incredibly kind people but blunt enough to be
informative. One of my favorite friends, Melissa, who you can find over at http://disabilityandido.blogspot.com/
, wrote an interesting blog today about the challenges of working out as a
person with CP. Being that I feel like
writing, and sometimes have problems coming with topics for my blog, I figure I’ll
follow the trend and throw my two cents in about the struggle some people with
disabilities have regarding beauty and body-image. Take it or leave it.
I think part of the issues can be explained using the
Sapir-Whorf Hypothesis. For those of you who haven’t had to memorize this basic
ideas of this theory for twelve separate psych and communication classes, it is
defined by reference.com this way: a theory developed by Edward Sapir and Benjamin Lee Whorf that states
that the structure of a language
determines or greatly influences the modes of thought and behavior
characteristic of the culture in which
it is spoken. In short, this says the words we use (and are taught to use) to describe
people, places and things actually affects the way we perceive them.
I’m willing
to bet that it would be very difficult to find a person out there with any disability
who has not been called adorable and precious as an adult. I’m also willing to
bet, that most of them have been referred to as a cutie-pie well after they
celebrated their sweet sixteen. People say this meaning to be nice, and personally
I do my best to consider them compliments. The issue is, in the structure of
the language we speak, “precious” and “cutie-pie” flow well with “baby”, “daughter”,
“child” and “little boy.” They are not often heard when describing a wife,
lover, professional, or expert, and they certainly don’t describe someone most would find desirable or sexy. This a big reason why it is hard for lots of
people to see “a person like me” as the same type of beautiful as they may see
my friends. It is the same reason why it is sometimes more difficult for those
of us with disabilities to see ourselves as beautiful, we are raised in the
same society as everyone else. The
latter is obviously more problematic statement than the first.
Everybody has
heard their mother say it a million times; others won’t think you are great until
you believe it. Unfortunately, this means that most of the work falls on the
disabled community. We have to reject the stereotypes that these words perpetuate,
and the hurt that those stereotypes cause. If we can learn to see ourselves as
powerful or sexy or gorgeous, we will be better equipped to show the world our
beauty. It is pointless to angry with the world about how they perceive us if
we, deep, deep down, still see ourselves and each other in the same, differentiated,
light.
Once we are able to do this, I am hopeful that the confidence will radiate
from us so brightly that they won’t be able to call us cutesy names.
I say I am
hopeful because while I understand the importance of the ideas I am writing, I
often need others to remind me of them. It is hard not be acutely aware of the
fact that people see me as adorable, rather than beautiful, and hard not to
fear the rejection for which that sets me up.
I am lucky though to have my friend Candace, who never seems to tire (although
she probably does) of telling me that there
are guys who do look at me the way they look at her, and who never expects my
guy-stories to be any different from those of her walking friends. Sometimes
she even laughs at me when I expect her to buy into stereotypes. Everyone
(disabled or not) needs a friend or two like her, people who refuse to accept the bullshit you
feed yourself as to why you aren’t good enough. If anyone reading needs a
friend like that today, I’m ready and willing. Most of
me believes that Candace and some of my other friends who I have recently become
comfortable discussing my insecurities with are correct, and some day with a
little help for those friends and by growing within myself, I predict that rest of me will eventually come
around. I pray you do, too.
