On My Accepted Snobbery

I am often asked why I am so critical of people with bad grammar. I wrote  this in an attempt to understand this   aspect of myself.

I grew up in an incredibly tolerant household. I was told from a very young age that is our differences that make us valuable. It is okay in my family to be part of racial or religious minority, it is okay to struggle with substance abuse and other addictions. Homosexuality is accepted and so are the mentally and the physically disabled. There is one thing in my house though, that is very much frowned upon:  improper grammar. 

My parents, without a doubt, believe in eradication of informal dialects of English .  My sister and I were always corrected when we misspoke.  I’m twenty-three and my father still says “YES!” if I respond to a question he asks with “yeah.” Mom and dad call themselves the cultured poor.  They grew up with less than most people but were lucky enough to be able to learn a lot about art, music and to become well-read. I suppose that, they see the use of standardized English as something that separates them from the uncultured poor. It’s a weird thing though because as I said, we were never taught to look down on the poor, only to help them and to empathize with them. It is sad that even in the hearts of people as open-minded as my awesome mother and father, it is so important to be separated from the quote- unquote, lower class.

They always told us that if we did not speak correctly, people would not take us seriously, and in their day this was probably very true.  They were doing us a service, by making it our nature to speak the way the world deems acceptable. I am really grateful for this. It would be challenging to switch dialects in different situations and I think it makes easier tasks such as writing this post, a tad easier. What I am less grateful for is that they have definitely turned me into a snob. Every time a friend of mine says, “I seen it” or “That was the hardest test I’ve ever tooken.” I fight the urge to correct them—and sometimes I fail. I cannot go on second or third dates with guys who talk that way because I know I will end up correcting them if the relationship goes far enough.  It probably comes off as condescending and it must be overwhelmingly obnoxious.   It feels natural though; I have been indoctrinated.  Maybe deep, deep down I think I am helping them to be taken seriously. I haven’t traveled quite that far into my subconscious.  Maybe I will know better by thirty.

What I wonder about is, whether or not this is a form of prejudice. Does it really matter what words people use as long as they are able to convey their message? My parents say it does because society will judge them. My parents also taught me that just because it is, does not mean it should be.  It is every generation’s job to attempt to change what is unfair in society. We would not fault a Spanish speaker for speaking Spanish, and so people should be allowed to speak any version of English they were raised to speak…. Right? 

The proceeding paragraphs are not  meant to imply that I speak perfectly; I do not.  I have an aunt who hates when people use “like” too much as filler in speech. Every time she visits, she counts how many times I say it. The numbers have certainly gotten into double digits.  I break grammar rules all the time. I realize I do it and for a couple of minutes sometimes actually feel guilty.  If I become a parent, I will teach my children, to speak the way I do. I hope, however, to avoid indoctrination.