On Perks

Contrary to what many people think, there are perks that come with having a disability. There perks about which we joke, like getting to the front of amusement park lines, discounted train tickets, and better parking spots, and then there are the perks that matter.  Actually, it’s one huge benefit that I have never heard articulated very well until a couple weeks ago. My friend Cathy said to me, “C.P. weeds out assholes.” It  does.                                                                

I am not saying being disabled does not make it more difficult to find and make friends. That is untrue.  Bullies see people with any visible uniqueness as an easy target and it doesn't get much more visible than Cerebral Palsy. The hardest thing for me to handle as a kid was  being ignored or deemed too difficult to deal with.   The feeling of being judged very harshly for something over which you have no control is one that I’m unable to describe well. It is painful, and I guess the only other thing I can think to say is that it is exhausting. I am sure the majority of those reading this have experienced it for some reason, and for that I’m sorry. What being disabled since birth has helped me realize is that, unfortunately, a lot of people will judge me harshly for my disability, but the ones who choose not to are worth their weight in gold and chocolate.  Disabled people can trust that the friends they make are genuine. The stigma that society places on us makes it almost impossible for people to fake wanting to be around people with handicaps.  The weak are embarrassed , so we are left with the mighty. Furthermore,  personally, the  simple fact that my friends have to fold, unfold, load and reload a walker, just to have me with them says to me that they probably want me there and I’m so grateful.

I have the strongest, sweetest, truest friends anyone could ask for and the fact they can accept me means that they can accept most people. I hope more than anything that they are proud.

When Cathy made the comment quoted at the top of this post, she was speaking about romantic situations.  Pigs typically do not have the courage to date disabled women, let alone sustain relationships with them. Some guys do go in thinking that they can handle it and end up failing but that’s pretty much as bad as it gets. When one walks around unable to conceal their differences, they can only attract people who are accepting of difference, and that’s a blessing in every single type of relationship. I have seen a couple of my disabled friends fall in love with people who think the way my friends do, and it gives me hope. It may be risky for people to fall in love with those of us who are physically challenged but I think that when they do, it is probably forever. I believe that makes us ridiculously fortunate.

Do not get me wrong, the shorter lines, cheaper seats and closer parking are fun but the awesome people are definitely my favorite!