The following is a list of five things I can advise that you do not do because I have done or still do them, and they have made me crazy. I hope that my publishing this, will help somebody stress a tad less. If not, I guess it is a good reminder for me.
1.
Don’t turn yourself into a chameleon because you
know how. I am very guilty of catering to my audience when it comes to social
situations. I don’t make the same jokes in front of all my different friends—I don’t
necessarily appear to have the political or religious beliefs. I have
previously patted myself on the back for this because I thought I had a high
emotional IQ; now I realize it’s just insincere. Really it’s okay to be
yourself. If you do not agree with
somebody you can say so or elect to keep your mouth shut but you do not have to say
anything to appease anybody, and they don’t have to like you.
2.
Don’t play the devil’s advocate because you know
how. In my family, arguing is communicating and forcing someone to prove their
point is something we do lovingly. Not everybody was raised by wonderfully obnoxious
clan or people like us. What we would call a healthy debate can hurt them. Unless you are really passionate about an
issue (or someone is attacking you or a loved one personally), just relax. Ignorant people will not get too far anyway. In my opinion, being related to or close
friends with someone makes this concept null and void, but that’s me. Many disagree with that caveat.
3.
Don’t
consider those who you feel the need to be passive aggressive with assets in
your life. If you constantly feel the need to jab at a significant other or
friend because of an issue about which you are uncomfortable confronting
them, it is probably because they scare you. What kind of relationship is that?
I would argue from experience, it is not worth much.
4.
Acknowledge the things you do not accept. As a
self-admitted people-pleaser, I have become extremely wrapped up in being “non-judgmental”
and fearing people thinking I am judging them at all. Everybody has a moral
code though, and so, everybody judges. I think it is important to tell people
flat out that their behavior makes little sense to you, if they ask. Answering
a question doesn't make you a bad person. If they don’t ask, don’t tell, but
don’t beat yourself up for your opinion. It will help you breathe easier. Of course I do think that good people try
their hardest to judge actions rather than individuals.
5.
Trust your friends and family to know you are
doing the best you can. If you let go a little and trust your loved ones to
believe in you without explanation, they’ll do it, and you will have a lot less
anxiety. You will probably irritate them less, too.
